I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
