I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Is it because I queefed?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
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yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
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You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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