I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
