new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Randomize
