Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
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oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
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You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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