i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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