and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
