Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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