i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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