I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
