yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
