I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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