Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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