My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
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