She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
