I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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