So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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