My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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