I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
