she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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