whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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