so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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