I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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