If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
