is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize