Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
