if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
