I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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