She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
