Buhtt sex?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
