my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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