we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize