All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
