so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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