non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
