Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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