I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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