dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
