wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
