He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
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