I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
