saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize