I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
