How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
