why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
