It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
