I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
