I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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