Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
