I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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