those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
