i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Terrible idea I love it
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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