it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
