i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He passed out mid-signature
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
