before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
