My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
