did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
