so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
