I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
