i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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