his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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