it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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