Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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