Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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